While I read my second elopement post, even I got the sense of complete apathy. Like we had no damn business marrying each other. Even now when we tell people we got married it's a nonchalant "Oh yeah, we eloped." As if we went to the dentist for a new crown, it was something that happened. And I know how it looks, it looks like our life is so focused on smart "business" decisions we don't have room for purely emotional moments. Our "wedding" was a logical decision based on factual budgeting and limiting logistical stress.
There is a meaning associated with weddings, a very emotional representation made with the event. So to just wave it off seems to wave off those emotions.
I've mentioned before I had often dreamt of my dream wedding. But not only that, I had thought about that perfect Thanksgiving feast thrown by yours truly. Or hosting a whole mess of family members for a spectacular Christmas. In a house decked out in beautiful decorations, guests pampered in cozy rooms, and an overall atmosphere holiday cheer. I think this was intensified as I grew up by the fact that my parents didn't celebrate the holidays like I saw in the movies. We never had the 30 dish meals I saw friends eat. Our Christmas dinners were never served on special table clothes and china or eaten in fancy attire.
As I've grown older and in charge of juggling my own career, education, household chores, and extra holiday load, my obsession with perfection has died down. That and losing the interest in a holiday with roots in the exploitation of natives or a religion I don't follow. So looking back at Thanksgivings celebrated with pasta or soup, it's not so absurd. Desiring to be just like everyone else was, however. For us, it was the dinners we ate together every other night that meant the most.
Likewise, for us the big event of the wedding didn't mean as much, it's the day to day things we do that matter.
Shortly after we started dating, I was scrolling through Pinterest and found a tip for couples recently engaged. The one partner, in this case, the bride, wrote down all the moments the husband-to-be took her breath away between the engagement and actual wedding. Then on the day of the wedding, she presented the list in a letter.
To do one better, I started the list from the moment we started dating. A little overconfident in our relationship perhaps, but it ended up working out just fine. The list itself was a surprise even for me when I finally wrote it out the day before the wedding. It sadly started out with a lot of what appeared to be remnants of an old relationship. Somewhat pathetically, what blew me away was when my partner didn't get angry about something. Like when I discovered he often left his keys in his truck. And he discovered I always lock car doors. I'll always remember us calmly sitting together in the bed of the truck waiting for triple A. As the list goes on, there's also an evolution of commitment. From the startling realization on my partner's behalf that we were freely sharing money depending on who had the better paycheck that month. To finally agreeing to get married.
Though we aren't without our traditions, they've just been chosen to fit us. What started off as a mix between "we don't really need Christmas gifts" and "we really can't afford Christmas gifts" has turned into annual Christmas letters instead. And every year we watch the naturalization ceremony together at the capital building. Celebrating not only the fourth of July but the fact it had taken us 4 months after beginning to date to finally have a full day off together.
So while we may seem to snub the wedding and all the meaning associated with it, it's simply because it isn't the tradition we value. We have our own.
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