I go through phases, much as anyone else would I suppose. Sometimes I focus more on my health; setting large exercise goals and spending hours making fresh meals. However, other times, like now, I focus on work. All. The. Time. I buy processed foods to save time and run far less. I procrastinate my daily exercises till I give up on them. And I constantly think about when and where I can fit in more work.

For the last several months of 2020, I came home from work and cooked my lunch for the next day before getting a good night's sleep. I woke up with enough time to run several miles before work and actually did my daily exercises.

Then 2021 hit. I'm not sure if it was reevaluating my 2020 goals, realizing I hadn't hit some, or realizing there were several more I hadn't even touched. But some things have gotten out of hand. Now, I get home and just pick a project to continue working on. The only thing I've cooked all year was boiled peanuts. On top of it all, my weight is creeping up just as my muscle imbalances are coming back. So now I feel and look bad, occasionally remembering how bad things have gotten when my right arm goes numb at work.

However, this is apparently a trend. I saw a Facebook Memory post a few days ago mentioning getting stressed about New Year's resolutions. Then today, I see this.

This blog is 3 years old and could have been written yesterday. Apparently, I have a yearly trend of getting really excited about my goals days 1 through 7. Then for days 8 and on, getting over-anxious because I'm trying to focus on 20 things at once.

But if the real goal is just to create things and learn, I've already done tons of that. I have an updated website pending feedback, another demo site was just built, and several other projects moving along. I even managed to take new headshots! Granted, I was alone and waited till sunset, so they are a bit out of focus. But they're good enough for my company's new about page.

I can't remember what the next phase is in my annual freak out. But I know everything will be alright. Maybe it's time to find another well-timed book. Last year it was Elizabeth Gilbert's "Big Magic". Back in 2018, it was "The Subtle Art to Not Giving a Fuck". Who knows what 2021 will be.

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